The Marker Post

You are the Power of the Mother-in-Law/Daughter-in-Law Relationship.

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I know I’ve experienced but it remains true — the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship is the most critical relationship in any family system. When I and my mother in law do not get along, the resulting tension between us affects everyone in the family. Whether it’s my father-in-law, husband/son, daughter-in-law, brother-in-law, sister-in-law, every family member is affected.

WhenI and my mother in law do not get along.

I feel my father in law is only speaking for my mother in law. He feels she is hurt by my words and behaviour, so he keeps consoling her.

My sister-in-law hears all about the struggle from her mother (my MIL). Her motherly love awakens and she feels for her mother alone.This ruins her relation not only with me but also with her brother ( my husband)

My husband and my son who is right in the middle of the battle between us two getting grief from both. Both me and my mother in law blame him for not taking our side or by not taking the right side.It’s a no-win situation for him.

My son is impacted the most because he loves me and his grandmother also. He  doesn’t understand the issues being played out; he only notices the behaviour both of us display. He is  learning — from both his grandmother and mother — the way to treat people who matter to you.

I always thought  is it even possible to solve this mess? And Yes it was and obviously, the solution started with me

I realised that my actions had consequences, even not taking action had consequences. Not only on me but also on my mother in law and my whole family.I took a step back and took an honest look at the bigger picture. I thought, “Is this really how I want things to be in my family? Do I really want my family to see me as either the villain or the victim?”

4. I asked myself what can I do to start to make things better — for me, for my in-laws, and for the rest of the family?

It was difficult for me to believe that I am directly or indirectly hurting other people, particularly people I care about the most .It may be unintentional but I always ended up hurting other family members who loved me.

I then started working on my relations. I gave up my expectations about how things should be and started working with the way things are. I accepted the complete cast of characters who make up  my crazy extended family, as well as other nonnegotiable circumstances.

I want to share this with all my friends who are or who will be daughter in laws:

Give it some thought. Even if you feel it is your mother-in-law who is really causing the problems, Remember that you are the one who has the power to turn things around.

Model the values you want your children to learn. Do you want to train them in sniping and disrespect, or trust and compassion?

“Remember that all good relationships take work and a willingness to seek understanding.”

“Do not assume that you know why ‘she said that’ or ‘she did that.’ Particularly if your assumptions tend to assign negative or mean motivations

Remember, the heart is a generous muscle, and there’s enough love to go around. The Beatles said it best: And, in the end, the love you take/is equal to the love you make.

Image Source : Pintrest.

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